The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
