Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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