this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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