Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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