what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He has the fingertips of a God
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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