There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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