it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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