Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
