Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
