He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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