my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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