Just mADE A PArabola og urine
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
