remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
