he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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