What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
