I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Congratulations! We have a period
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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