I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
