i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just googled if crying burns calories
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
