I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
