Duck Duck Cougar?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
