I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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