we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
