I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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