you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize