life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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