ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
