I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
