Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
