apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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