Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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