she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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