also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
