yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
