Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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