you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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