i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
