i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she looked like the before picture.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
