Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
