She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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