Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
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I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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