Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
