My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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