I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
