i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
