you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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