billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
