he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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