this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
