Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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