Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
