Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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