The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
