how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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