Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
