Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
