well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
