we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
