Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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