so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The power of my boobs compel you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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