I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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