i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
don't judge my taste in strippers
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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