I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
